Eat Me!

This story popped into my head while I was at the supermarket the other day. I was just staring at the junk food in the check out line like I'd never be whole again if I didn't buy some. 

“Eat me!” something said to me while in line at the supermarket. “Eat me!” it insisted again. I looked over to the “impulse isle” you know, the treat bar the store so lovingly placed to tempt us into that one last item. A bag of Doritos held my attention. “You know your gonna stop at the gas station on your way home if you don’t buy me here” it said to me.

I glanced at other shoppers to see if anybody was hearing this; some shoppers were on their phones, others were browsing though a magazine, nobody heard. While wondering if I was going crazy I noticed the opposite rack had a healthy array of candy bars.

“Hello” said a reeses crunch in a French accent. “I can see in your eyes that we have a connection”

“No you fool!” said a snickers bar “He was looking at me!”

“You-want-to-blow-some-bubbles” chimed in the entire rack of bubble gum.

I had gone crazy! I couldn’t deny that I wanted to buy a snack, in fact I wanted to buy them all! But I was determined not to yield to these temptations.
I chose this line for a reason; it only had one customer in it. Yet as I tried to ignore the treats I noticed that the other person couponed and was pulling out a wallet the size of my head, full of clippings.

The candies sung out their sweet siren songs. The salty snacks rose up in savory chorus. They were all bidding me to sample their 10% bigger bags, and gusher goodness. I roved my eyes about looking for a possible shorter line, but they were all packed. I unloaded my cart onto the conveyer belt desperate for the distraction, but the breath mints above the belt breathed there minty message to me.

I persevered in my resolve, and insisted upon my reasoning, not to give in, I am the master of my cravings! Finally the casher scanned my last item, gave me my total, and I ran.

I was the victor! The champion! I was the master of my will! I reveled in my glorious triumph as I unloaded my groceries at home… and noticed something odd. Amidst my food items were a scattering of the very junk food I was trying to avoid. Was I so weak that I subconsciously gave in?

I looked at my kids, who were staring expectantly at the snacks

“How did these get in here?” I asked dumfounded.

“We put them in daddy!” my kids said looking up at me with puppy eyes.

“Oh yah” I thought “I had them with me”. I looked at those little faces… took a deep breath…got ready to lecture them about self control and said “good jobs kiddies.” Then we attacked those goodies like wild animals.